I Beat My Wife to Pulps,No Apology

Dear Cupids,
  I had never beaten a woman in my life but as I speak with you, my wife made me a shameful boxer, I must admit, and she’s paying heavily for it as she’s receiving treatment in the hospital. She’s a lawyer but I don’t care what the outcome of assaulting her will be if she leaves the hospital. My wife has been overly domineering when it comes to family ties. She shares a bond with her extended family, which is acceptable, than she shares with my own extended family.

Four years ago, when she wasn’t working, she brought her younger brother to my house to stay. This boy was overly reckless with women. He brought women to my house. He smoked, drank and moved around in my wife’s kitchen, even my bedroom, without restriction. I alone was providing for the family at the time, which, of course, means the young man ate my food, spent my money, and lived like a king in my house. I wasn’t bothered. She brought her mother, I was also not bothered. I treated them like my family.

Two months ago, my mother was sick. I asked her to come to my house with my elder sister. This time, my wife has started working. She has started supporting me in running the family. I came back one day, and I saw my sister crying outside. My mother badly bruised. I asked my wife what had happened and she told me that my sister sat on the couch, COMMANDING her to serve her some meals. I asked my sister who was also beaten mercilessly by my wife. I had been observing some cold silence in my house each time I came back from work. No one told me anything about what was going on. I didn’t know my wife didn’t like the fact that my mother and my sister came to stay with us. Though, she had argued that I was bearing my father’s family problem on my shoulders, forsaking mine.

I quickly rushed my mother to the hospital and locked my wife inside our bedroom. I had to sort my mother out first before settling the scores with my wife. While I was on my way to the hospital, my sister told me all that had been happening since two weeks. I never knew. My wife forced my mother to cook her own meals when my sister wasn’t around. My elder sister used to cook all our meals but I didn’t know. My mother told my sister not to tell me about it because she didn’t want to cause commotion in my house.

What actually caused the problem was, my sick mother went to the toilet(visitors') but didn’t flush properly. My wife’s friend came visiting and wanted to use the toilet but it was messed up. I guess she jokingly,or how ever, told my wife. My wife insulted my mother before her friend. When my sister rebuked her, she gave her a merciless slap. A fight ensued afterwards, my mother and my sister were mercilessly beaten.

Cupids, I don’t want to kill someone. I really feel hurt breaking my principle. I really beat my wife to pulps. I had locked her in the bedroom. When I came back, as soon as I opened the door, a dirty slap landed on my face. It was a confirmation of what my sister told me. I beat the demon out of her. Please advise me. I am tired of the marriage. I want to quit.

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My Experience As a Relationship Counselor

Everyone needs someone to talk to, but the problem is, what is the confidentiality of the problem discussed with a supposed counselor? This has been the major problem. Another very serious issue is the fact that most people have premeditated positions regarding their problems before consulting a counselor. A lot of counselees mix reverie with reality. In their minds, they know what's ideal, that which is ideal to them is their greatest problem in relationships. Their failures to identify that IDEALS do not exist causes serious crisis in their lives, unknown to them.

I had two confrontations with two American women. These women came to me at separate times on the internet. One has visited Nigeria four times, the other hasn't.

The one who hasn't been to Nigeria  came to me online asking for a piece of advice concerning her boyfriend who lives in Nigeria. I asked her about the facts of the matter, which she made bare. After listening to her, I told her clearly,"this love isn't genuine". She got mad at me, deleted and blocked me. "Phewww! Moses, you've made a mistake," I said to myself at first but, I knew I couldn't be wrong. The young man was using the woman to arrange for his Visa. Anyway, I did my job.

The one who has been to Nigeria came to me, again online. This time around, I had identified my mistakes, I'd learnt my  lessons, you must put a frog in water and heat slowly in order to kill the frog . So, I started following her like a frog in a cold water. I knew the answer to her question, but I wanted her to journey with me to arrive at her answer. Time, of course, is the best teacher. It is like going to the hospital to treat a wound, if a doctor dresses the wound; gives you some anti-tetanus medicines and asks you to go home but come back for redressing, you will say the doctors doesn't know his job. But if he gives you a bed space in the hospital, writes loads of medicines for you and keeps you in the hospital until your wound heals, you'll say he's a fantastic doctor.

In the end, the woman discovered that she was used. She came back crying to me. I told her the truth this time around. It was  easier for her to assimilate. She agreed with me and now, we are bosom friends.

People want you to tell them what they want to hear. Unfortunately, life isn't a merry-go-round.

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One-day Sex: My Experience with Two Ladies.

Sex is an energy reducer. It requires a lot of energy. Energies released could also be traumatic. Most people rely on sex to stop them from thinking of a very painful experience. Don't make a mistake of thinking he or she loves you after having sex with him or her.

Three years ago, I was suffering from emotional breakdown. I pretended to be happy. I tried all I could to be happy, none worked for me. I resorted to sex. I met a lady on my way home, struck a conversation, she liked me as a person and before I could say "Jack Robinson" we were in bed. After the whole thing, the moment I said "I love you", that was the end. She disappeared into the thin air; deleted my number and moved on.

A year later, I met another girl inside a bus. We started talking, this time around, it was she who wanted the relief. I read the signs, I spoke some sweet words, flirted a little, she responded in the affirmative and I almost concluded. Well, I didn't want to make a mistake,I suggested to her," shall we go to my abode?" She said no at first; I read the looks in her eyes and the tone of her shaky voice, there was a yes in her no. So, I insisted and we landed in my bed. Again, the moment I said,"be my girlfriend", that was the last I heard from her.

It is important to identify that I could have continued to have sex with these ladies if I never uttered the words "I love you" or "be my girlfriend". Love is not sex, sex isn't love. This sounds like a cliché but its the simple truth. Sex, however, cements love. Learn to separate both.

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I'm Confused, Please What Do I Do?

Dear Cupids,
 I’ve read  some of your articles on your blog, thecupidshaven.blogspot.com, and I felt it will be nice writing you a letter. I honestly wish you will see this letter of mine.

I fell in love with a Nigerian after I lost my family to a ghastly fire outbreak. Every says am strong but…I know what I went through to get back to sanity. I lost my mind. I remarried after the incidence but my ex-husband was(still is) an imp in a grown man. As we speak, we still have a case in court on child support. He doesn’t want to sign the divorce papers either.
I met this fine, elegant, calm and collected Nigerian man on Facebook. We got talking and two months after, I got the spark that ignited my love for him; We started dating. One year later, I visited Nigeria and it was heaven on earth. I enjoyed my stay.  I had a beautiful family. My Nigerian man introduced every member of his family to me. He also introduced me to them.

I got back to America and things started changing, a woman from Nigeria contacted me. I have not met her before. She told me the shocking news of my life. One of the women my Nigerian man introduced to me as his auntie is actually his wife.

I’m dying in tears, I don’t want to believe this woman but everything she tells me seems to be true. Please help me, Cupids, what should I do? I don’t want to lose this Nigerian man. I don’t want to get hurt because I’ve been through a lot.

Jasmine, from IL,USA.

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Please help me, I'm Losing My Mind

Hello Cupids,
Please help me, am losing my mind. I have introduced 8 different men to my family since I turned 25, yet none agreed to marry me. I’m tired. Now, I’m in a relationship, at 32. This relationship seems like am started over again, I don’t know where it’s leading to.

I’m from a place called Ngwa in Abia state. I vowed to not be married to any Abia man. There’s this fable that really didn’t exist(still doesn’t happen). This fable has formed an irrational belief that all Ngwa people eat human beings. This was the cause of my problem. The men who agreed to marry me irrespective of where I come from, I don’t like them. Those whom I like, don’t like where I’m from.

Please help me tell the world that Ngwa people don’t eat human beings. We are humans. I’m tired of explaining. People say I’ve not found the right man, but 8 men altogether  is not a joke. Please, tell me what to do because am sinking into depression. Also, help me use your good platform to tell the world that Ngwa people don’t eat human beings.

Anonymous.

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Generation of Baby Mamas: 7 Causes of Its Steady Rise.

Growing up,I never heard the phrase “open relationship “, it was either you were in a relationship or not. It is saddening when people tell you “it’s complicated” when you ask about their relationship. These phrases are “catch phrases” when you narrow down the underlying reasons people, most especially women,  go into the business of baby mama.
Seven reasons justifying the growth rate of baby mamas abound. These reasons are discussed within the scope of what obtains in a sub-region of the sub-Saharan region of Africa—Nigeria.

1. Sexual Exchange for Money
This sounds like prostituting. Yes! It somewhat seems so. Nowadays, it is difficult to be in a relationship without asking for sex. This is because most women need money and most men need sex. Relationships these days are nothing short of sexual agreement between a man and a woman. If you refuse to have your fair share in terms of sex as a man in a relationship, you’re seen as a first class fool among your friends.

Women want to be treated like  queens. However, most men fear the fact that they might not be the king in their women’s lives. Most women also fear the “hit and  run” men. Therefore, the exchange of money for sex has dominated the relationship discourse.
 Love is relative. The definition of love is now gradually advancing to exchange of money for sex. When the contract of sex for money is lost, and the product of the transaction is a baby, then there is separation. People go to court for child support.

2. Real Life Pornography
Everywhere, on the streets of major cities, even villages, in Nigeria is littered with indecent and provocative dressing. Most ladies are going completely nude and men are becoming completely insane. Things that used to be on the TV screens are now in the full glare of the streets. This certainly leads to increase in sexual urge, not love, and people have sex recklessly. When they have money to spend and there is an available sexually inclined lady, unprotected sex takes place leading to unwanted pregnancy. It is important to state that unwanted pregnancy becomes wanted when the man involved is rich.
3. Rate of Heartbreak
There’s no gainsaying that the rate of heartbreak is growing across the world. So many people have subscribed to baby mama enterprise as they’ve experienced failed relationships.
Some persons who love to the extent of going the extra mile for their partners  submit themselves to pregnancies so as to be associated with the one they love. They want to bear children for the ones they love. They want their children to be of the blood of their partners. Oftentimes, they are disappointed. Their partners end up breaking their hearts, leaving them with their babies.

4. Gender Equality
The message of gender equality should be preached with careful efforts taken in order to restore sanity in our homes. Misleading messages of gender equality have caused total breakdown of order in various families. It is true that men abuse their privileges but it is advisable to not preach the message of gender equality with the aim of causing commotion in families,unknowingly. Every man needs his wife to be submissive. Even though, some men have abused their privileges as men, it is important to state clearly that when a home is headed by two persons, there’s bound to be commotion due largely to clash of interests. Yes, every man and woman should be accorded equal opportunities, equal rights and justices. Nonetheless, this should not be  done to the detriment of orderliness, peace and harmony in the family. Most feminists who champion the gender equality course are largely unmarried. Those who are married pay lip services to the course. Check their homes; they are submissive o their husbands.

5. Socioeconomic status

The socioeconomic status of a man is important in every marriage. Some marriages are dissolved today because the men who used to provide for the family no longer do. Their impatient wives may seek a dissolution of the marriages based on irresponsibility. When this happens, the women become a baby mamas; child support becomes the order of the day.

6. Failed Parenting

Some parents fail to teach their children about sex education. In fact, most of the things learnt by their children are things they learnt from their mates. So, they try their hands on so many sexual adventures. The result however is unwanted pregnancy. Therefore, you find a baby mama living with her parents still single; either ready to mingle or searching.

7. Wrong Choice of Partner

The worse thing that can happen to anyone is to be married to the wrong person. The price to be paid is of a lifetime. When a woman marries a man who womanizes, smokes and drinks profusely to the extent that he forgets his responsibilities,she pays for it for the rest of her life. In the days of yore, mothers stayed back in their marriages for the sake of their children. Unfortunately, these days, mothers will run away with their children. It is advisable to run away because it is better to stay alive than to die in a failed marriage. Even if one must pray, one must do that after staying alive. Heaven helps those who help themselves.

Moses Okere
©2018.

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PLEASE, SAVE ME FROM SUICIDE

Sir,
 My life is in shreds. I’ve lost some sense of morality. Severally have I contemplated suicide, last week being the last time I tried. I don’t believe I deserve to be forgiven.
This is my story: I’m a young woman in my mid 30s. I got married to a man who’s 55 years old. My husband is loving and caring. He’s in touch with current realities. He’s young in limb but in judgment he’s old. However, he travels a lot. Sometimes, I travel with him. We were the best couple in our vicinity.

My husband met me after he lost his wife. He has a son—the son of his late wife. He told me his story. I accepted him because he told me the truth. I never loved him at first; I wanted to make him my financier. I deceived him for 2 years. However, he got me straight into his warmth arms when my ex-boyfriend broke my heart. All my friends advised me to accept him(my husband). They liked him regardless of his age. At that moment he told me he knew I never loved him; he knew I had an active boyfriend yet he kept pushing, I fell head-over-heels in love with him.

We got married after  3 years—2 years of fake relationship, 1 year of courtship—because I wasn’t too sure. On the day of our wedding, my husband’s mother brought his son, he looked like my ex-boyfriend. I was shocked, but it was my wedding day, I didn’t need any distraction.

After the wedding, everything was settling down. Friends and families  left. I was to settle in in my new home as we had plans to travel to Paris for our honeymoon. 2 weeks after our honeymoon, we returned  to Nigeria. My husband brought back his son who stays with his mother(my husband’s mother). His son normally lives with my mother-in-law. Now, he(his son) is to stay with us since his dad(my husband) is remarried. We stay for 5 months and I started having some crazy feelings for the boy. He is 20 and well grown, muscular, tall and good looking. Again,he looks like my ex-boyfriend. We had a fight one day and I like the fact that he touched me. I later went to his room to plead with him to forgive me. As we were fighting, he saw some private parts of me. I think he liked it. 2 days later, I took his meal to his room, his father had traveled. We were both drunk because I took his meal with a bottle of alcoholic wine. And…we made love.

 I’m not perfect. I know anyone who hears this story will blame me. This is the reason I need help. I later discovered that the boy I made love to several times I refused traveling with his father(my husband) is the son of my ex-boyfriend. My husband’s late wife was my ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend back in secondary school days. My ex-boyfriend is the biological father of the boy I made love to. My husband caught me and the young man after a tip off by the gatekeeper. He sent the young man back to his biological father—my ex-boyfriend. I’m currently with my  parents. Urghhh, I just need  help.
Please help me.

Anonymous.

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15 Step-By-Step Ways of Healing a Heartbreak

Introduction:

  A once bubbling and spirited heart becomes demoralized, shattered and battered at the strike of a heartbreak. After building blocks of expectations, dreams and beautiful fantasies with the one you love, a decisive, deliberate and conscious effort tilted largely towards breaking your heart is an approval of a suicidal letter. 

Like a dismal situation not envisaged, there is a clash of sound judgment with stupidity which heartbreak brings. This article seeks to present 15 excellent ways of healing a heartbreak.

1.     Self-rediscovery

Oftentimes, heartbreaks thrust intelligent persons off balanced. For instance, a beautiful woman becomes unarguably hideous because of heartbreaks. The earth merges at its horizon with the sky when there is a heartbreak. You lose hope, and breakdown, when the one you call your number one, believing he equally sees you in that light, brings someone totally out of the picture into that-so-special world you share with him. It becomes even worse when the person in question isn’t your equal in anyway. If he or she is finer, more intelligent, richer and smarter than you, you literally wish you were dead. One of the best ways to heal is to believe in yourself. Believing in yourself means that you must know your self-worth, develop your self-esteem and know who you truly are. Heartbreaks usually make people rediscover themselves. Find out what you do that makes people love you. Look at yourself and discover what you love about yourself.  There something that makes you unique. You are different. Discover that beautiful thing about you and make it your strength.

2.     Self-reorientation

 Now that you have known what your self-worth is, it is time to reorient yourself. Ascertain where you were yesterday, you are now, where you want to be tomorrow. Understand that your past must remain in the past. Tell yourself the truth, what did you do in the past to deserve a heartbreak? What did you do to keep the relationship which didn’t work? Now, know that not all expectations can or will be met. Know that when expectations are dashed, you should learn to handle the outcome. Define your direction based on your experience.

3.     Rechannel Your Energy

Heartbreak marries itself with thoughts of beautiful pasts, empty promises and fantasies to cause serious emotional breakdown. Energies expended in these thoughts decimate the heart  greatly. It is recommended however that these energies should be rechanneled to things that make you happy. What are those things you love doing best? Those things which are most rewarding, things you do naturally and effortlessly and you become happy about them should be where your energies are channeled. Quit forming unnecessary pictures of the past and be focused on where you want to be. It is never too late.

4.     Socialize Positively

You must learn to have people around you. You should not be lonely. Hey! this is not the time to think of a failed relationship, it is not a time for debauchery. It is a time to socialize. Reasonable associate may beget reasonable communication which may in turn help you to get out of your current situation.  Learn not to be alone at this point in time and space, it is dangerous.

5.     Learn New Skills

This is the best time to learn new skills. Skills learnt emotionally is usually topnotch. When you channel your energies to learning new skills in a bid to forget past hurts you tend to learn the skills better. In short, it makes you become a better version of you. It also reinforces your confidence.

6.     Upgrade Your Quality

After skill acquisition, what follows is capacity building. You build your capacity by attending seminars, reading books, developing and practicing new skills. Practice guarantees mastery. Listening to resource persons who have better knowledge and satisfactory experience in your desired area of learning goes a long way to help you to heal quickly. Remember, this action must be deliberate. You must realize that your ex-partner isn’t the best you can get in life. Therefore, this is a way of preparing yourself for the best person. 

7.     Unlearn and Relearn How to Love

You should at this point learn to drop some of your former ways of loving and relearn how to love. Reduce your jealousy. Understand what is important and what’s not. Understand your goals in the relationship and, above all, learn to be at peace with yourself.

8.     Meet New Folks

Meeting new reliable and friendly folks goes a long way to heal a heartbreak. Meet new friends, break out from your friend circle and make friend with people of higher knowledge, wisdom and understanding. It is not bad to be with people of great influence and wealth, even if they turn you down. Remember, your focus is becoming a better you.

9.     Discuss Your Hurts

Discussing your hurts makes you release your unwanted energies. While discussing, be careful to know time wasters and mockers. Share your thoughts with those who can give you candid and dispassionate opinions.

10.     Stay Happy

Stay happy. Do all you can to stay happy. Do not let anyone take your joy away. Cherish your joy, embrace your happiness. Again, do whatever makes you happy.

11.     Repress Unwanted Flashbacks

Please do all within your power to repress unwanted flashbacks. Flashbacks will crawl back into your heart occasionally but you must push it back by redoing one, two or all of the steps above. Essentially, step 4 above should be reengaged if flashbacks come.

12.     Travel

Traveling is a way of learning. Traveling helps to reduce thoughts. Seeing beautiful places helps to form beautiful memories. These memories have a tendency of removing or reducing old ones. It is also a way of learning a new way of life as well as meeting new people. It helps to know how different people think and act differently. This will help you to appreciate humanity better.

13.     Try Loving again

Yes! You should learn to love again. You don’t want to lose touch with new ways of doing things in a relationship. You want to stay updated. Therefore, you must try to love again.

14.     See Mistakes as a Way of Learning

in loving again, it is important to state that you’re bound to make mistakes. These mistakes are not to mar you, because you’re now a better you. Make that mistake to make you a better learner. This is not to encourage deliberate mistakes; it is to acquaint you with the dimensions of love.

15.     Always Get a Good Sleep

 Most times, the brain is reset when we sleep. A good sleep helps to reduce some thoughts when we wake up. Some people try to go to bed after a serious heartbreak by inducing themselves with sedatives. This is not recommended. There are many ways to get some sleep when one is suffering from heartbreaks. However, instead of drinking alcohol, smoking or engaging in some excessive indulgence in drugs, it is advisable to get a good rest. Before applying all the methods suggested above. Also, It is good to cry out all the hurts and get a sweet sleep.

Follow the cupids of Facebook, Instagram and Twitter: @thecupidshaven

Email: thecupidshaven@gmail.com

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In Love with a Foe

In Love with a Foe

As everyone sets out in the course of life, no one seems to have a handbook on whom to meet as a life-partner. Love meets everyone at the pathway of life. The course of love takes a different bearing. Its dimension is certainly not definitive. Falling in love requires certain principles. Nonetheless, principles have failed on the floor of human unpredictability. Many have made what they call mistakes. While some live with their mistakes,others go down the grave with their mistakes hanging vehemently on their necks.

Oftentimes has it been said that one with bad character may remain bad or even become worse throughout one’s lifetime. Therefore, charging a man or a woman requires a lot of energy and conscious efforts. And because every confession of love doesn’t start with fisticuffs, it is amazing how love become absolute hatred.

Having counseled for some years now, I have had cause to run for my life after failed attempts to settle a fight turned into a fierce fight between men and their wives. At last, when they came back to me for advice, I recommended divorce. Yes, it is better than death. I say so because living with a foe is quite dangerous. Someone may ask, Moses, why do you want them to divorce? The answer is simple. It is better to separate them from each other than to have them kill themselves—the man has a chance of stabbing the woman to death; the woman may poison her husband’s meal.
An enemy in love is a pathway to death. Domestic violence is a handy tool for domestic deaths. The struggle for supremacy in families becomes fiercer when one marries an uncompromising enemy. The house is often hot.

 Majorly,parenting and upbringing are the  causes of domestic violence. Yes, I know you may ask why. It is only natural for a child to do what he sees his parents do. Most children don’t just talk without using their hands. Yes, they took after their warring parents. In fact, if they want to say "stop talking", before they say “stop”, they’ve dealt a slap on the recipient's face.



Speaking of running away for my life, a woman once invited me to settle the dispute between she and her husband. On arriving their home, before I could ask them to narrate their stories, an argument ensued. And what followed were broken bottles. I ran away. A person who uses weapons before an argument ensues should be stayed away from completely. There is no need trying to make it work. Quit the marriage, take your time and correct your mistake. This is absolutely recommended.

Moses Okere
©2018.

Follow on Twitter/Facebook: @thecupidshaven. Email: thecupidshaven@gmail.com

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How to Find a True Spouse

  It seems like advert placement finding a true spouse. With the world being a gobal village, the trend has changed. Traditionally,Many find love at different social gatherings , places of learning and/or recreation such as:
👉Church
👉Mosque
👉Business Events
👉Social Events,
👉Gymnasium
👉Cinema
👉Beaches and
👉Schools.

“True spouse” is not an inscription on the face. The character of a would-be spouse is not written on his/her face. Intelligence has not proven worthy in the discovery of a true spouse. Therefore, finding a true spouse requires wisdom and guidance.Today, the trend has changed. There have been celebrated cases of wedding success stories credited social media. It is very important to say that the percentage of spousal connection through social media have increased lately.

True love does not imply true spouse nowadays. This is the reason people marry whoever comes there ways when they have tried and failed to get a true (ideal)spouse. Whenever people make sentences like,”my spouse complements me”,please look inwards there’s the word TOLERANCE in their marriages. Factors connive to make many people compromise their ideals in marriages. These factors include lack of: finance, good job, and shelter. Others include continuous heartbreaks, failed relationship, family disapproval, clash of goals and interests.

Finding your true spouse however depends on what you want. You must know what works for you. Things you must know when finding your true spouse are:
👉Your core value.
Knowing your core values as a human being would determine how far you can go in your marriage with your spouse. A set of values include trustworthiness, honesty, cleanliness, godliness, financial smartness or intelligence, happiness, etc. These will help you to form your opinion on the kind of spouse you want.

👉It’s not all about you
When your relationship is self-centered, self-defense becomes naturally evident. You need to learn not to defend every bit of what you want because you cannot be always correct. For your spouse to have confidence in you, you must first show him how confident you are in him. It takes two to tango.

👉You must learn to make the “US-decision” against “ME-decision”.
In decision making, you don’t present yourself as an overbearing partner. Decisions regarding “hanging out”—including places to hangout, time to be spent there—financial disbursement and way of entertainment should not be solely made, except your would-be spouse permits that. Everything shouldn’t be centred around you. You should get your partner involved. Decisions should not be “ME-centred” but “US-centred”
👉Identify your partner's mission

This is where a lot of people get it wrong. Especially when it is difficult to know or read your partner’s mind. However, if your partner’s mission is to have sex and run away, there are signs which show such. Although, at times, the motive may be genuine but as time goes on, a genuine partner’s mission may change. Nonetheless, when a partner begins to hide some basic secrets like phone call logs, text messages, and  chats, the mission is suspicious. NOTE: This is not to say you should focus on checking your would-be spouse’s phone from time to time.
👉 Your  partner’s imperfections.
We all have different backgrounds and upbringings. It is only natural to act different especially when we’re coming from different origin. Therefore, we must learn to manage imperfections of our would-be spouses. This is important. Your would-be spouses weakness could be jealousy. If she's/he’s willing to genuinely work on it, you help him/her BUT do not marry him/her YET if you’re not sure it has been worked on completely.

👉Your not in a relationship to be too careful
Yes, it is good to apply caution while dealing with a new partner. However, being too meticulous may present you as being fastidious. When you send the wrong signal showing that you’re uneasy to please, a reasonable partner (potential spouse) may either  think you are still being haunted by your past or you’re considering others who may be his rival. This may push him away.

👉 It is not a vengeful agreement
Your new partner is not here to pay for the sins of all the bad ones you’ve dated. Treat everyone the way they present themselves.

Carefully understand that you will neither create nor birth your own spouse. Therefore, you should learn to work with your spouse to achieve your desired goals in your marriage.

© Moses Okere
2018.

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Help, My Ex is About to Ruin My Marriage

 
   Hi there, I need your help. My ex-girlfriend is about to rip my marriage into shreds. I met her in a club, to be honest. I loved her because, at the time, she satisfied my sexual strength. She is adventurous when it comes to love-making,I must confess. One thing I didn’t like about her was, she smoked too much.

 For some reasons I distanced myself from her since I couldn’t cope with her continuous smoking spree. Honestly, I’m now a repentant alcoholic. I discussed her smoking penchant with her but she didn’t want to give up her learned habit. In short, she was an addict. She got pregnant but we found a way to get rid of it because I was convinced she wouldn’t  be my wife. She insisted on keeping the baby but I prevailed with superior argument because our socio-economic statuses at the time were something to worry about.

Five years after I distanced myself from her,luckily, I met my wife. We dated for 4 months and we decided to seal it with a ring, firstly at the court; then the church afterwards. On the day of our court wedding, I thought it was a mirage when I saw my ex. It felt like I was dreaming, only that I couldn’t wake up. She was wearing her wedding gown. My heart sank into my bowels as I had thought she had come to be wedded to me. I thought she was going to disrupt my wedding by asking the officiating officer to wed the three of us—my ex-girlfriend, my wife and I.

A few hours later, her would-be husband showed up. I was glad. I  was calm. We wedded on the same day. I didn’t know my wife was watching my uneasiness. The greatest thing that  beat my imagination was the fact that my wife knows my ex-girlfriend. She was her classmate in secondary school. I almost melted when she asked me,”why were you staring at her, have you met?” I was shocked when they started exchanging numbers and pleasantries.

My marriage is now in a mess after that encounter. She has told my wife everything. My wife now sees me as a bad man. She’s afraid to make love to me. She’s thinking of a divorce already. My wife says if I could associate myself with her classmate who was known as “runs girl” even at secondary school age, then I must be a bad man. How do I convince her that all that happened in my past. How do I tell her I’m a changed man? She argued that I should have married

her instead, after impregnating her. Please help me.

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