I'm Sorry I Rejected You, Son. Forgive Me.

Dear Cupids,
  I’m from Saginaw, Michigan. I came across your blog, so I felt it’s the right place to seek advice.

I’m going to keep it simple. At fifteen I was raped. It was a serial rapist who raped me. The pain, trauma, and agony that followed were horrible. Jake was sent to prison after a Trial Judge confirmed him a serial rapist.

I discovered I was pregnant two months after I was raped. I almost died by the knowledge of my pregnancy. To think that a serial rapist could get me pregnant was unthinkable. Replaying the event of my rape in my mind was suicidal. Now, the greatest of all pains arose when I realized I was pregnant.

After I delivered the child. The disgust I had for my baby’s father was visited upon him. I rejected him, he was black, still black; his father is. I didn’t want to associate myself with a black baby, much less one from a black serial rapist. I donated my baby to Child Care. I was paying child support. This I did grudgingly.

I started loving Mickey when he was 14. He was the brightest in high school. His teachers taught him some morals I never taught him as a child. At first, each time I was invited, I didn’t honor their invites. One day, I decided to visit the school and I was shown some tremendous things Mickey had done. Poor boy, he didn’t even know his mother too well. His teacher told me he had been asking questions about how his parents aren’t together.  That day, I told Mickey everything he needed to know about how he was born. Mickey now hates me.

Mickey is now a footballer(American footballer). He’s going to be successful. He’s 28. I want my baby back. I love him. I’ve forgiven his father. I know he thinks am a racist but it’s not totally my fault. His father made me who I was. I’m  totally changed person now. How can I make him know I love him as my son. I want to be his family. I know I wasn’t there for him, I tried 14 years ago, but he didn’t accept me. I can’t bear it anymore. What can I do to make him forgive me?

Rosie.
The Cupids,
© 2018
Email us: thecupidshaven@gmail.com

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I SLAPPED MY GIRLFRIEND AND LANDED IN JAIL

                                  




Dear cupids,



I'll like to keep this simple,I slapped my girlfriend who's a lawyer for the first time, and I was sent to jail. Now, my parents want me to marry her. We stay in the US,and attended the same school in the US. Her parents and mine are friends. They've been friends since they were in secondary school.

My mother is enthusiastic about our(my girlfriend and I) intended marriage. As we speak, my girlfriend, now my ex, knows I do not want to speak of anything called marriage with her after that event. But my mom needs a grandchild. Though we jointly haven't mentioned to our parents what transpired between us, our parents are expecting us to come back home and be married in December. The date has been fixed.

What do I do? How do I tell my parents I don't like Jumoke?  I want to be left alone to make my choice. Please tell me what to do?  Our parents run joint venture company.


Jide


Some Selected Commentaries :

Yes it' seems difficult but that's d right thing to do. How can they fix wedding date? Is there something else the guy is not telling us. Maybe the parents control his life. This is the time to stand your ground cos you won't live with your parents when you get married.--OLUSHOLA

Hmm!
You just have to spew. Tell your both parents what transpired between you too, don't wait till you come home in other not to crush their hopes that's in its royal highness already😄. If possible make a joint venture skype call😁 or WhatsApp group video call. In other not to be biased, she will have the opportunity to either lie to your face or accept her actions. Either way stand your ground and not compromise your future by continuing a relationship that has already ended.✌---YOMI

 If she truly loves him, she won't send him to jail. She should have controlled her anger.That's why we should have self-control--DAMILOLA

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I'm Dating the Dead:Beautiful Love Turns Sour(My Story)

Hello there,

 Permit me to start this way, I believe life’s unfair. Beautiful people don’t last. I’m suffering from emotional attachment, not one that has to do with the living but the dead. Trying to fathom why I can’t seem to move appears a hard nut to crack. Olumide and I were so much in love. He was the smartest man I have ever had. We had our promises, our love was a promising one. Olumide was my family at school.

 It was my first year at school, I was exhausted after a very long queue at the Physical Clearance Office, a young man, Engineering student, showed up offering to help me. At first, it was annoying but on raising my head, I saw a countenance that stole my smile. I carefully handed my articles to him. He held my hand and we walked towards the registrar’s office. I thought for a moment he has a friend, family or someone that could help facilitate my clearance. Classes had already started and I was already missing out. Twenty minutes later, Olu got a call and it was a moment of wild happiness for me. After a long wait, I was going to be cleared at long last. I submitted all my documents and receipts of payment for surveillance and scrutiny. Afterwards, I took back my original documents and receipts, leaving the photocopies.

It took only one week for me to accept Olumide as my boyfriend. I loved him already. In fact, I was already dating him unknown to him but I just wanted him to go through the rigours of wooing a lady. In less than one week, we made love. Olumide was cool, calm and collected. His social life was 100%, he also didn’t joke with his academics. Virtually all the club houses close to our school knew us. Olumide had a very comfortable car as a student, money wasn’t a problem. He was a darling.

Trouble started when I was in my third year, I had problems paying my rent, so I had to move in with Olumide. This was when I started noticing things I never could have envisaged. Well, I let them slide and concentrated on my love for him as well as my academics. Although, I once in a while asked him of some irresponsible behaviours I had seen him display, I never wanted to lose him. I saw some friends who came around, I didn’t like those folks, but I just minded my own business. At times, they come at nights to take him away, he only tells me,”baby, I’m going to night class with my friends”; but we used to go together. Well, I just had to be strong, he’s probably preparing me for the time when he’ll no longer be in school.

All the while, I wasn’t suspecting anything so severe until I heard a bang on the door at night. Olumide, started up as if in readiness for a battle, and for the first time in my life, I saw Olumide with an AK47, I was alarmed. I shuddered. I was stuck between a frightful shout and a suppressed sound. Deep muteness surrounded my shriek. I didn’t know what was going on. Olumide went straight into the bathroom. “Open the door, Olumide, you’re surrounded. You can run but you can’t hide!” Those were the words I heard. I urinated on my body. I was stuck. Olumide killed three guys before my very eyes. The fourth guy was the last that took Olumide down. Before me, Olu died. He never gave me the simplest or littlest idea he was a cultist. Olumide died at a time when I was two months pregnant.

 I dropped out of school and, I as I speak, I’m a “baby mama”. The real problem is, I hardly fall in love. I now hate men. I just do whatever makes me happy. At some point, I had reckless sex with different men, smoked, drank, in short, I did some unthinkable things but they didn’t help. In fact, the last time I had sex, I screamed Olumide’s name and I was ashamed of myself. Please how do I stop loving the dead. I still see him in my dreams, and each time that happens, I get depressed. Please tell me what to do. I’m crying out to the world, I need help.

I’m Ife.

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Getting Along with A Mother-in-law: Based on Survey Responses

Recently, it has become a trend that most ladies now wish their mothers-in-law death. Usually, once a man is married, there is expected or envisaged battle of supremacy  over who now  owns the man—husband to the wife, son to the mother—by both  women in his life. Wives argue with an avalanche  of logical conclusions as to the fact that their husbands  now have immediate family responsibilities to attend to.

A quick survey  from an online feedback discussions generated on the The Cupids WhatsApp group gave these very interesting responses:

MOTHER-IN-LAW ISSUES

I’ve actually heard ladies saying they wish their mothers-in-law were dead so as to avoid having “mother-in-law issues”. And that's really soooooo bad☹☹.

Most guys going into marriage are ignorant of something: if your fiancée doesn't have a good relationship with her mother, don’t  expect her to have a good relationship with your mother.If the lady is not treating her mother right, she can't treat her mother-in-law right…. It's just not possible . That's when she would start preferring that her mother in-law is dead.
I believe marriage is not a child's play.  There are some things that should be seriously taken into consideration.  Most people overlook it, and say it doesn't matter but it actually does. ~~Chidinma from Owerri.

Chidinma seems to be a non-conformist. She totally  disagrees with the inventors of mother-in-law must die theory of marriage. Her reasons are plausible, why should anyone  wish to be married to a man whose mother is late in the first place, or at worse, wish her mother-in-law death?

MOTHERS-IN-LAW ARE WITCHES

The first time I heard it I was a teenager. My cousin’s girlfriend said it,  that she prayed before she got married her mother-in-law should die. I was shocked to my bones, and she said it in my room. I asked her why, she said, “some mothers-in-law are witches”.
Now, most mothers-in-law are very nice, good and caring while some are actually wicked and manipulative.
We have different types of men:

* Mummies’ boys
* Family bread winners,etc.

Under the family bread winner, we have the one who does the mum's bidding but the one that has a heart of his own, listens to the mum but let's her know his decision is final.

If you get married to family bread winner automatically, to a foolish mother-in-law, she has a competitor especially if the money and things she gets from her son is reducing or not forthcoming; forgetting that the son has more responsibilities trying to build a home and make the new wife comfortable and also recover from the expenses of paying bride price. Not considering all these, some mothers-in-law will visit the son or send a sibling to go find out why the son is “changing”. On getting there, they see lots of changes in the house that involve lots of money and get treated to nice meal. They(the mother’s spies) go back saying the wife Has taken the son from her(the mother). If she's the manipulative type she starts advising the son wrongly, telling him he married the wrong woman.
She schemes her way into collecting money from the son. The wife knowing how they are managing gets angry,if she's the foolish one she starts making unnecessary demand to collect money too. It becomes a war of who will win and who owns the man. He is torn apart,no more peace.

Now if the man dies the wife can have another husband but the mother will never have him back even if he has children.
Brothers advice your mothers,
Daughters tell your mothers the truth.Stop saying is love portion when your brother treats the wife well or buys her a car but if your husband does same is true love. ~~Sylvia from Benin

Wow, quite interesting  remark, isn’t it? What Sylvia does realize is the fact that some men are product of the family. Some men went to schools, got their first jobs as a result of family intervention. Wives should learn to apply wisdom in their own interests because whether they like it or not, mothers-in-law will still be the ones wives will turn to when the chips are down. Wives  today will be mothers-in-law tomorrow. Wives should  know this. What  goes around comes around.  Sylvia’s cousin’s friend said some mothers-in-law are witches. Well, I wish she doesn’t continue to harbour such thought because it will  definitely affect her. I pray her daughter-in-law doesn’t call her a witch.

In the same vein, men should also learn to deal with their wives and mothers on equal balance. Any attempt to treat one better than the other might lead to unnecessary bickering.

They should also find better ways of communicating to their mothers the business of their immediate families. I'm sure the mothers will understand.

MOTHERS-IN-LAW’S INTERFERENCE

Yah, that is because some mothers-in-law can be so difficult. Some always want to interfere in their son's marriage ~~Sthando from Lesotho.

Yes, every woman knows how to protect her own. Before you criticize your mother-in-law,wait until you become one.

AT RELATIONSHIP STAGE

Imagine your girlfriend  telling you she wishes to marry a man whose mother is dead when you know your mother is still alive, what would you do?  What is she suggesting? For me,  it’s a very perfect way of saying "I’m  breaking up with you because your mother is still alive."


Finally,  whoever invented this mothers-in-law must die theory should be glad she has influenced  a lot of women but should also be quick to backtrack because I’m sure she might be a baby-mama, a single lady or an unruly wife, not to mention being a widow.

Mothers-in-law should be prayed for. Attention must be taken as to knowing where not to cross the lines.  Wives must strike a balance between their rights and privileges and that if their mothers-in-law. They should treat them as they do their own mothers. Same goes to the mothers-in-law.

Moses Okere
© 2018.

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I watch My Dear Husband Engaging in Midnight Romance with His Pillows

Headnote: As days go by and nights fall, I watch my dear husband falling in love with his dreams, engaging in midnight romance with his pillows and establishing a cordial relationship with his bed, while I go out to work and fend for the family.

Dear Cupids,

 My heart bleeds, I don’t know how I married a couch potato. This is the first time I will ever come out to tell the world what I’ve been passing through. I was not supposed to marry Dare, I had for 7 years dated my ex-boyfriend, Jimmy. We were to be married but we realized I couldn’t be pregnant after several rounds of sex with Jimmy. We couldn’t explain the reason behind this. Our attention was not placed on it until we were ready to be married. We dissolved the relationship on mutual understanding. Jimmy went on to marry another woman.

Several years after Jimmy got married, I was still depending on him financially. Even though I work, I still depend on him as he’s wealthy. I regret letting him go because soon after he married another woman, he got her pregnant. I wondered why he couldn’t get me pregnant until my doctor told me there is a likelihood we were not compatible in terms of fertility. I certainly believe it’s a mystery the doctor himself cannot explain. Although, he told me my body must have produced antibodies that kill Jimmy’s spermatozoa.

I’m not ashamed to say this: Jimmy provided for my marriage, he single-handedly sponsored it. I was getting older, pressure from friends and family was on me to get married. That was when I met Dare. Dare was working at the time but he was underemployed. His remuneration was low, so he was thinking of starting his own enterprise. No one knew how we arrived at the bloated spending during our marriage, all thanks to Jimmy.

Six months after marrying Dare, I gave birth to my first baby but sadly Jimmy lost his wife. Cupids, this is where I need your help. Remember I told you Jimmy is my financier. He helps me every time I ask him for help. My husband is a drone, he sleeps days and nights. Jimmy has been resourceful and helpful but he has lived without a woman in his life for ten years. Lately, I have been having marital crisis. I now have two kids, Jimmy has three and you know what? Jimmy wants me to quit my marriage and marry him. Dare has been annoying, he now womanizes on loan. He doesn’t love me anymore. Please, I need your advice.

Thanks,

Sade.

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My Experience With a Husband Snatcher

Dear Cupids,

  I've seen young women leave their marriages because of littlest challenges and I’m inspired to share my story to advise young couples, especially women.
I’m 55 years old today and I can proudly say I’ve known only one man all my life. I started loving my husband since the days of “no beasts”. In those days, friends and well-wishers envied us as “little couple”. I grew up with my husband. A lot of people said we were naive. They accused us of early sexual intercourse but I can say hugely that we never made love until we got married. We were like the cow and its tail.
In our teenage years, my husband would go to the football field as a young man to play football. You dared not hurt him. Any attempt to hurt him on the field attracted huge sanctions from me. I cannot count the number of young men I fell out with because of Jerry.

 In 1978, I was just 15 at the time, my elder brother took me away after Jerry’s elder brother wanted to defile me. My family got to know about it and my brother took me away to Lagos. There were things that disqualified Jerry if we were to go by having the wherewithal of getting married. Jerry had absolutely nothing. He was 19 at the time. He hadn’t finished his secondary education. He had no job, no house, nothing whatsoever. When I was 19 years, Jerry still had nothing. Men of “timber and caliber “ were asking my hand in marriage. In fact, my brother had wanted to contract me with a very rich man—who died 3 years after I married Jerry—but I refused to marry him. To the glory of God, Jerry and I now have 6 children. We managed to build our home from nothing to something. We started from bottom all the way to the top.

After our marriage, Jerry got a job with NNPC--a well-paying job. Though, he was a casual staff, he earned well. Having worked with the company for several years, my husband(Jerry) was made a regular staff. His regularized appointment as a permanent staff was confirmed by his appointment letter. He was made a cashier in the same company. It was a moment of sharp turnaround for the family until the devil stroke through a woman. My husband was a Catholic before I took him to my church. He worshipped with us for 3 Sundays before he finally decided to join. In the church, he became a financial member. All the church needed was to ask for ecumenical support in cash and kind and my husband would donate hugely. I didn’t know that the woman who owned the church was observing my husband. She was studying my husband and my family with keen interest. She wanted to know what my husband does for a living, how his family was at the time, how he makes his money, etc. She also discovered how penetrable my family was, so she struck.

As an unsuspecting member of the church, I didn’t know what her motives were when she was becoming too close to my family. I took her as a spiritual leader who wanted the welfare of his members, so there was no cause for alarm. She got into my husband so much that my husband couldn’t do a thing without asking for her opinion. Later on, this woman seized my husband. Jerry stopped coming home. He was always in church after work. He didn’t bother to know how the children went to schools or how they were catered for. In short, he became irresponsible. “Woman of herself” had taken away my beloved husband. I cried! Friends and well wishers offered to take me to  witchdoctors to seek revenge, but I stood by one thing: “vengeance belongs to God”.

I settled it on my knees. Though, it cost Jerry his job, not his life. The woman manipulated my husband as a cashier to  bring her a huge sum of money, N20 million. Jerry sheepishly followed her command believing that the money would be used for business as the woman promised and the profit will be shared, while the capital,N20million, will be returned to the company. This devilish woman ran away with the money;put my husband in trouble. Company brought police and arrested my husband after laying him off from his job as a cashier. But, I didn’t stop praying. My husband was in prison for six months and I  cursed that evil woman. She died a miserable death. Before she died, she asked friends and family to beg me for forgiveness. I refused to make love to my husband after he was released from prison. Our penultimate daughter is 11 years older than our last son. After several years of pleading with me, my children joined him to ask me to forgive him. I’ve forgiven him. Today, he’s a pastor and my family is happy again. Our eldest daughter just got married in March this year. We are one big family once again.

I want to advise young ladies, the power of love is stronger than hurts. What you’re passing through today is nothing to be compared to what others have passed through. Patience, love and prayers will solve all problems of marriage.
Hang on, stay close to God and reclaim what belongs to you--your marriage.


Mrs. Juliana from Benin.

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