Hello there,
Permit me to start
this way, I believe life’s unfair. Beautiful people don’t last. I’m suffering
from emotional attachment, not one that has to do with the living but the dead.
Trying to fathom why I can’t seem to move appears a hard nut to crack. Olumide and
I were so much in love. He was the smartest man I have ever had. We had our
promises, our love was a promising one. Olumide was my family at school.
It was my first year
at school, I was exhausted after a very long queue at the Physical Clearance Office,
a young man, Engineering student, showed up offering to help me. At first, it
was annoying but on raising my head, I saw a countenance that stole my smile. I
carefully handed my articles to him. He held my hand and we walked towards the
registrar’s office. I thought for a moment he has a friend, family or someone
that could help facilitate my clearance. Classes had already started and I was
already missing out. Twenty minutes later, Olu got a call and it was a moment
of wild happiness for me. After a long wait, I was going to be cleared at long
last. I submitted all my documents and receipts of payment for surveillance and
scrutiny. Afterwards, I took back my original documents and receipts, leaving
the photocopies.
It took only one week for me to accept Olumide as my
boyfriend. I loved him already. In fact, I was already dating him unknown to
him but I just wanted him to go through the rigours of wooing a lady. In less
than one week, we made love. Olumide was cool, calm and collected. His social
life was 100%, he also didn’t joke with his academics. Virtually all the club
houses close to our school knew us. Olumide had a very comfortable car as a
student, money wasn’t a problem. He was a darling.
Trouble started when I was in my third year, I had problems paying
my rent, so I had to move in with Olumide. This was when I started noticing
things I never could have envisaged. Well, I let them slide and concentrated on
my love for him as well as my academics. Although, I once in a while asked him
of some irresponsible behaviours I had seen him display, I never wanted to lose
him. I saw some friends who came around, I didn’t like those folks, but I just
minded my own business. At times, they come at nights to take him away, he only
tells me,”baby, I’m going to night class with my friends”; but we used to go
together. Well, I just had to be strong, he’s probably preparing me for the time
when he’ll no longer be in school.
All the while, I wasn’t suspecting anything so severe until I
heard a bang on the door at night. Olumide, started up as if in readiness for a
battle, and for the first time in my life, I saw Olumide with an AK47, I was
alarmed. I shuddered. I was stuck between a frightful shout and a suppressed sound.
Deep muteness surrounded my shriek. I didn’t know what was going on. Olumide
went straight into the bathroom. “Open the door, Olumide, you’re surrounded. You
can run but you can’t hide!” Those were the words I heard. I urinated on my
body. I was stuck. Olumide killed three guys before my very eyes. The fourth
guy was the last that took Olumide down. Before me, Olu died. He never gave me
the simplest or littlest idea he was a cultist. Olumide died at a time when I
was two months pregnant.
I dropped out of
school and, I as I speak, I’m a “baby mama”. The real problem is, I hardly fall
in love. I now hate men. I just do whatever makes me happy. At some point, I had
reckless sex with different men, smoked, drank, in short, I did some
unthinkable things but they didn’t help. In fact, the last time I had sex, I screamed
Olumide’s name and I was ashamed of myself. Please how do I stop loving the
dead. I still see him in my dreams, and each time that happens, I get
depressed. Please tell me what to do. I’m crying out to the world, I need help.
I’m Ife.
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